cold and wet and cloudy
I think I get last autumn blues.
Actually not really anything bad, just cold, rain and the fear of the seminar. I mean, I already had so many seminars and most were interesting and I was good, but in history? When the teacher? In previous experiences? Even teachers were 2 times in my work history, total shit. And the topic is not really me. I mean, somewhere already, but have beeen at another level, as it will probably be expected. I'm even a lot of time. I need only 3 days a week to work and have the rest for free the seminar. Well and the thing with the thesis. I feel like something very small, which come in front of a giant, menacing mountain and stands little chance to, over. Mainly because I do not even know what to expect on the other side.
I know full well that life is good and I'm really happy and well satisfied with my life. I always have someone who likes me and who is there for me, but I still feel lonely, then again. I think I'm not doing much with my friends at the moment but we are all very busy and have to do and this and that ... if we see ourselves, it is really great and fun and I feel I hereby repealed.
I wonder what my talents are and how I could use. What will I do when I want to go. I revise my philosophy of life. What are my goals? Where will I go? Before, I always had pictures of me, what the next few years is going to happen ... a while others have given me these pictures and now this is nothing. Not a drohenedes nothing, no eerie emptiness, but a white sheet. And as for a Writer's Block I sit in front, do not know whether I take colored pencils, watercolors or pencil, where to start udn what will show the image. I know that the image is in my head, but defends move to's Journal, but here It is more of a nothing. No picture, the struggles ... because none is there.
