* blah *
Right now, I guess I'm just not made for relationships. It could be because I am 6 years in a permanent relationship was or about how the letze come to an end, but I almost feel that Kai was right but really, with what he has accused me, after a while I lose interest in the person. When friendships happens to me, however. What I find scary is that I fight in my relationships always with atopic dermatitis, hardly is the relationship to end, I am free of symptoms. And it's not as if I had not yet stress, on the contrary.
I see at the moment relations only as stress. As it would only requirements and narrowing - I know I have it sometimes felt different and I will not say even people in a relationship, that they are dumb, but the thought of a relationship dissolves stress in me. This is not as the evil Martin has spoiled me, "to understand. I wonder just what I have in my relationships myself persuaded to do, for love's sake. Perhaps my opinion is
to change even if I "the right" ... encounter but right now I enjoy my freedom too much. No one to have in the background. Me to justify not to think about it, what someone would say, No dates have to coordinate. I thought for a while, I need someone for me "the most important person", but am I realized that me that's almost too hard and too much responsibility. I get so much encouragement from family and friends that I do not need anyone to whom I am "very" important.
Maybe this is just another phase in 3 months and I moan because I did not have any new partner, but I can be with the idea of single much better navigate and less to do with someone to be with.
Which leads me to my next thought. I wonder just whether I'm probably going to fall in love. In part, it seems, in part, I am also right ... "Smitten" to briefly consider it "the stupid idiot." I can not even tell him. First, because I do not even know exactly what I think and second, because I worry about his reaction. The best part is that I would say most like "I find you animal mad and want to see you more often, but not more. I will not constrict, and I will make no demands on you, but I want you to know that you trigger a little tingling sensation in me. "
We are really well together and can talk well, but sometimes I think our world views collide just too much. Sometimes he says things that make me just go up walls, But mostly I understand him and he is also intellectually stimulating. He is always as simple, and "shrewd", but he's hell of a lot on the box. Sometimes when we are alone, it sounds almost tender, but there is no great approach ... where we are already very were close. If others are in the process we bicker constantly, then acknowledge what the other with "You sound like an old married couple." Christian said we would love sound like teenagers who do not dare. But I admire him so that he would just say what if he really wanted what.
I want at the moment anyway simply take time to get everything on me. Nothing to break over the leg. Not something behind her run, which perhaps is not even there and just enjoy the time. Let's see what will be.
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